Many Midnights

            Steve couldn’t take it anymore; the pain was driving him crazy. His rear end ached with a relentless, dull throb like a thousand tiny needles penetrating his flesh. Numerous bending and twisting motions in front of the bathroom mirror revealed nothing out of the ordinary so he was forced to tell his wife about his curious affliction.

            “Your butt looks fine,” Peggy giggled. “In fact, it looks down right cute.” She gave his rear a playful smack.

            The pain shot up Steve’s back like a lightning bolt. He had to bite his lip to keep from screaming.

            “You’re really hurt aren’t you?” Peggy’s look of amusement had switched to one of concern.

            “Would I have you in here looking at my butt if I wasn’t?” Steve snapped.

            Peggy was worried about the way her husband was acting. It just wasn’t like him. Normally he was carefree, relaxed, and even silly at times. Nothing ever seemed to affect his outlook on life. Car repairs, rainy days, the flu, they did nothing to stifle his cheery disposition.

            In the beginning of their relationship this bothered Peggy. She began to feel jealous that someone could embrace the good aspects of life and shrug off the bad so easily. She even felt guilty for being envious of another’s good attitude, much less her boyfriend’s, but it was how she felt.

            But as her love for Steve grew she realized that it was his strength and not his weakness, and it was all the more reason for her to be alarmed at his behavior now.

            “Where exactly does it hurt?” she asked trying not to irritate him more.

            “I already told you, my butt. My butt is where it hurts.”

            Peggy left the room without another word and headed straight for the phone.

            “Peg, where ya going?”

            “I’m calling Dr. Onlave. You’re gonna have this checked out.”

            Steve nearly fell as he struggled to pull his pants up and run towards his wife at the same time. “Now Peg, slow down, I feel fine except for…”

            “Three-thirty would be fine thank you,” Peggy confirmed into the receiver, and promptly clicked it back onto its base.

Steve could only stare at her. He couldn’t believe what she did sometimes. She knew how he felt about doctors and this time was certainly no exception.

            Peggy stared back at her husband. “I don’t want to hear about it,” she stated in a dry tone. “You shouldn’t take any chances with your health. I thought we understood each other on that matter.”

            “But I don’t need…”

“Three-thirty tomorrow afternoon. I’ll meet you there. I can get Theresa to cover for me at the office.”

            Steve left the room angrier with himself than with Peggy. “It would go away by itself,” he mumbled to the floor. He should’ve waited a couple more days. But while he grilled himself his butt was starting to throb worse than ever. A deep, stinging pain seared through his rear end, occasionally shooting up his back and down his legs. He knew the time had come to give in and go see the doctor. Now if he could just make it until three-thirty tomorrow afternoon.

                                    *                      *                      *                      *

“So Mr. Beleck, what seems to be the problem?”

            Doctor Onlave, a slightly overweight dark-skinned man of about sixty with a receding hairline and wide smile, loomed over Steve.

            “It’s my rear end,” Steve mumbled beneath his breath.

            Doctor Onlave’s eyes widened. “I see. Well then, why don’t you tell me about it?” he asked while slipping on a pair of latex gloves.

            He started to poke and prod and felt Steve’s chest and looked down his throat. His face bore a resemblance to father indulging his child with a bedtime story.

 Steve went on to explain that’s aside from his rear he felt perfectly normal, except for a noticeable increase in his appetite.

Dr. Onlave examined a chart and scratched his head. “When did you first notice you’re…problem?”

“Last Wednesday,” Steve quickly answered. “I remember that day because it was really lucky for me.”

            “Lucky?”

            “Yeah, everything went right for me that day. My raise finally came through at work, a lottery ticket I forgot I even had won a hundred bucks, a friend of mine offered me two tickets to a Wings game, and I even found a twenty on the way home from work.” He suddenly became aware of his enthusiasm and calmed down.

            “When exactly did the sensations start?”

            “Later that night, after dinner.”

            “Mrs. Beleck, good to see you.”

Peggy smiled at the doctor and seated herself next to Steve. “Doctor, has my husband explained his problem?”

            “Oh yes. I was about to examine him more closely. I’d also like to run a few tests.”

            “Tests! What kind of tests?” Steve cried. “Nobody said anything about tests!”

            “Just blood work and possibly some x-rays,” Dr. Onlave replied. His expression was again that of an indulgent father.

            “Fine,” Peggy quickly added. “Whatever is necessary.”

            Steve looked at his wife for compassion, but saw only grim determination in her eyes.

            *                      *                      *                      *

            Peggy sat at the kitchen table with a strong cup of coffee in front of her. “All the tests came back normal. You’re in perfect health,” she stated while looking over the papers. She was relieved, but also worried.

            “Well that’s good right?” Steve asked.

            “It would be if your butt still wasn’t hurting you,” she retorted.

            Steve heard himself roll out a blatant lie, but could do little to stop it.

            “Well, it’s not really bothering me much anymore,” he mumbled in his best actor’s voice.

            “Oh, is that so?”

            “Yeah, I feel great. See, I can sit with no problem at…AGHHH!”

             “That’s it,” Peggy announced. “I don’t care if they gotta do brain surgery, you’re going to the hospital now!”

                                    *                      *                      *                      *

            “The doctor will be in shortly.” The nurse’s mechanical voice sounded like a robot, detached and inhuman.

Shortly slid into an hour and then immediately began to move into the second hour. Time to study the various instruments and sterile, white walls in the nine by ten room. Steve felt like pulling his hair out, but the relentless throbbing in his butt kept him at bay.

            “Mr. Beleck?” asked the tall, pale doctor. “I am Dr. Vishoui. What seems to be the problem?”

Feeling a new batch of humiliation, Steve quietly described his

affliction for what felt like the hundredth time. He had barely finished when he heard the words he feared most.

“Shall we have a look?”

            Dr. Vishoui was a thorough doctor who ran through a battery of basic inspections with all his patients, regardless of their malady. He poked and prodded and studied as he attempted to formulate a diagnosis, periodically humming to himself as he rolled around the room on a small, wheeled chair.

            “Well doc, what’s the verdict?” Steven’s patience was running thin. His fear of doctors was steadily being overruled by his desire for some answers.

            Hesitating, Dr. Vishoui rubbed his chin and looked at Steve. “To be honest, I’m not quite sure just yet. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

A brief silence ensued.

“It appears to be rather inflamed. I want to rule out possible acute peritonitis or fibrinoprulent inflammation. Pilonidal cysts are another possibility. Cellular damage appears…Oh… my… God!”

            Those were the last words spoken by Dr. Vishoui or heard by Steve; Peggy’s life was only spared due to the fact that she was late arriving at the doctor’s office.

*                        *                      *                      *

            “Will that be all for you today?” the burly man with a weathered face behind the counter asked. A slight note of irritation was in his voice because of the lack of business that day.

“Yeah, that’ll be it,” replied Todd. He was also in a grumpy mood. Picking up a flush valve for a broken toilet after an eleven hour workday wasn’t in his plans.

            Flipping the valve into a paper bag the burly man said, “That will be nine dollars and eighteen cents.”

            Todd smiled to himself. At least it wouldn’t cost him anything extra. He had found a twenty- dollar bill earlier that day. He fished it out of his pocket and handed it to the man behind the counter.

            And then a strange thing happened, the bill seemed to shift in Todd’s hand. It floated down to the countertop and came to rest in front of the store’s owner, who promptly scooped it up and put it in the cash register drawer.

            At first Todd was puzzled, but he quickly dismissed it as his imagination, the result of a long workday and an empty stomach. But he began to worry when he felt the painful, dull throb in his rear end. It felt like a thousand tiny needles penetrating his flesh.